1) It's time to fire Humpty-Dumpty. I feel bad for this, because Coach Phillips seems like such a good guy. But I picture him bouncing a grandson on his knee around a fireplace, not coaching a team towards a Super Bowl. So take drop his overly lax fat ass immediately.
2) Don't hand the keys over to Jason Garrett just yet (check that--ever). Isn't the guy supposed to be an offensive genius? I don't care how poorly a team plays on the field, when you are the coach-in-waiting due to your supposed offensive knowledge, and your team gets kept out of the endzone en route to a 44-6 loss in the biggest game of your season, nay, your career thus far, your performance needs reevaluation. Here's an idea, why don't you take your playbook back to Harvard, put a good bulk of the plays back in the hopper, and shove the few that seem successful up your ass, you gingerkid freak.
3) Things are hunky-dory now, even after the blowout, but if Terrell Owens begins to fume at all during the offseason, cut his ass. Roy Williams can be your playmaker if it means keeping the peace (although at this point, that's not looking promising or even feasible).
4) Find a no-nonsense, hardass coach to discipline this sorry excuse for a team. I hate the son of a bitch, but the best candidate out there is Bill Cowher. He may be a piece of shit, but I don't care if he routinely masturbates on playgrounds as long as he can get the most out of these underachievers (looking at how these personalities blew up this team, it makes the 1990s Cowboys and Jimmy Johnson all that more impressive considering they had even bigger egos--and they also liked to mix in coke and whores).
Monday, December 29, 2008
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
Your 2008 NFL MVP is...
Peyton Manning deserves the 2008 MVP award.
Nay, Peyton Manning is the 2008 MVP.
Go ahead, pick your jaw up off the floor, I'll wait.
...
When you look at what the Indianapolis Colts have done this season, it's hard to argue against Manning. After a tough loss in Week 8 against the Tennessee Titans, the Colts dropped to 3-4. And it was an inflated 3-4. They probably should not have defeated the Vikings and they definitely should have lost to the Houston Texans. In all honesty, the team should have been 1-6.
And it would have been an understandable 1-6. Manning entered the season on a tender, twice surgically-repaired knee that kept him sidelined during training camp and the preseason. With an offense that depends on timing and precision, the Colts slumped out of the gates. It presented one of the few situations where it seemed all right for a demoralized team to simply give up.
But the team kept saying all the right things.
"I can't really give you one, simple answer...we just need to play better," said Manning. following a 34-14 thrashing at the hands of the Green Bay Packers.
"If we play well and get ourselves on a streak and get going, we can be a playoff team," said Tony Dungy, following the deflating loss to the Titans.
At the time, it looked like a proud team hoping to use tough talk in order to will some wins. But then the Colts kept winning. And winning.
They notched their first win of the streak against the only team in the league with less to feel good about in 2008 than the Colts, long-time rivals, the New England Patriots. They followed this win with victories over Pittsburgh, Houston, San Diego, Cleveland, and Cincinnati. Starting with the New England game, the Colts margins of victory were: three points, four points, six points, three points, four points, and 32 points.
Throw out that snoozer against the worthless Bengals, and you have five straight victories by a total of only 17 points. In other words, the Colts are the luckiest team in the league. As hard as it may seem to believe, that's not meant to be a putdown. If Jabar Gafney catches a wide open Hail Mary, the Colts don't beat the Patriots, if Ben Roethlisberger doesn't turn into an interception machine, they don't beat the Steelers, if they don't convert on a game-deciding fourth down, they don't beat the Chargers, and if Cleveland can hold onto the damn football, they don't beat the Browns. I'll say it again, they are the luckiest team in football.
But, aside from their defense as of late, the common denominator in these wins is Manning. He has done just enough to eke out these wins. Lucky or not, the man who began the season on a bum knee has willed his team to a 9-4 record and has them knocking on the door of a wild card berth. And doesn't the saying go 'I'd rather be lucky than good?'
A down year in the MVP race also helps Manning's case. Who deserves it more than he does? Kurt Warner? Maybe, but the egg his team laid against the Giants hurt his chances big time. And with another award putting Warner's tally at three, voters may be wary that a vote for him as MVP equals a vote for his hall of fame candidacy--not exactly something they would feel comfortable with.
Aside from Warner, who, maybe Drew Brees? He deserves consideration if he breaks Dan Marino's single-season passing record, but unless New Orleans makes a playoff run, his prospects look bleak. Had the Cowboys not given an early Christmas gift to the Steelers, I probably would have made the case for Tony Romo (on the condition that Dallas runs the table) or Demarcus Ware (actually, he's still deserving, but I'm a realist, defensive players never have a chance).
In essence, Manning wins by default. That may seem like my backhanded way of giving him kudos, but it's the truth. Nevertheless, Manning's will has taken the Colts from pitiful to the team that no one wants to face in the playoffs. In a down year for the leauge, that alone makes Peyton Manning my 2008 NFL MVP.
I will now find an oven to stick my head in.
Nay, Peyton Manning is the 2008 MVP.
Go ahead, pick your jaw up off the floor, I'll wait.
...
When you look at what the Indianapolis Colts have done this season, it's hard to argue against Manning. After a tough loss in Week 8 against the Tennessee Titans, the Colts dropped to 3-4. And it was an inflated 3-4. They probably should not have defeated the Vikings and they definitely should have lost to the Houston Texans. In all honesty, the team should have been 1-6.
And it would have been an understandable 1-6. Manning entered the season on a tender, twice surgically-repaired knee that kept him sidelined during training camp and the preseason. With an offense that depends on timing and precision, the Colts slumped out of the gates. It presented one of the few situations where it seemed all right for a demoralized team to simply give up.
But the team kept saying all the right things.
"I can't really give you one, simple answer...we just need to play better," said Manning. following a 34-14 thrashing at the hands of the Green Bay Packers.
"If we play well and get ourselves on a streak and get going, we can be a playoff team," said Tony Dungy, following the deflating loss to the Titans.
At the time, it looked like a proud team hoping to use tough talk in order to will some wins. But then the Colts kept winning. And winning.
They notched their first win of the streak against the only team in the league with less to feel good about in 2008 than the Colts, long-time rivals, the New England Patriots. They followed this win with victories over Pittsburgh, Houston, San Diego, Cleveland, and Cincinnati. Starting with the New England game, the Colts margins of victory were: three points, four points, six points, three points, four points, and 32 points.
Throw out that snoozer against the worthless Bengals, and you have five straight victories by a total of only 17 points. In other words, the Colts are the luckiest team in the league. As hard as it may seem to believe, that's not meant to be a putdown. If Jabar Gafney catches a wide open Hail Mary, the Colts don't beat the Patriots, if Ben Roethlisberger doesn't turn into an interception machine, they don't beat the Steelers, if they don't convert on a game-deciding fourth down, they don't beat the Chargers, and if Cleveland can hold onto the damn football, they don't beat the Browns. I'll say it again, they are the luckiest team in football.
But, aside from their defense as of late, the common denominator in these wins is Manning. He has done just enough to eke out these wins. Lucky or not, the man who began the season on a bum knee has willed his team to a 9-4 record and has them knocking on the door of a wild card berth. And doesn't the saying go 'I'd rather be lucky than good?'
A down year in the MVP race also helps Manning's case. Who deserves it more than he does? Kurt Warner? Maybe, but the egg his team laid against the Giants hurt his chances big time. And with another award putting Warner's tally at three, voters may be wary that a vote for him as MVP equals a vote for his hall of fame candidacy--not exactly something they would feel comfortable with.
Aside from Warner, who, maybe Drew Brees? He deserves consideration if he breaks Dan Marino's single-season passing record, but unless New Orleans makes a playoff run, his prospects look bleak. Had the Cowboys not given an early Christmas gift to the Steelers, I probably would have made the case for Tony Romo (on the condition that Dallas runs the table) or Demarcus Ware (actually, he's still deserving, but I'm a realist, defensive players never have a chance).
In essence, Manning wins by default. That may seem like my backhanded way of giving him kudos, but it's the truth. Nevertheless, Manning's will has taken the Colts from pitiful to the team that no one wants to face in the playoffs. In a down year for the leauge, that alone makes Peyton Manning my 2008 NFL MVP.
I will now find an oven to stick my head in.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)