1) It's time to fire Humpty-Dumpty. I feel bad for this, because Coach Phillips seems like such a good guy. But I picture him bouncing a grandson on his knee around a fireplace, not coaching a team towards a Super Bowl. So take drop his overly lax fat ass immediately.
2) Don't hand the keys over to Jason Garrett just yet (check that--ever). Isn't the guy supposed to be an offensive genius? I don't care how poorly a team plays on the field, when you are the coach-in-waiting due to your supposed offensive knowledge, and your team gets kept out of the endzone en route to a 44-6 loss in the biggest game of your season, nay, your career thus far, your performance needs reevaluation. Here's an idea, why don't you take your playbook back to Harvard, put a good bulk of the plays back in the hopper, and shove the few that seem successful up your ass, you gingerkid freak.
3) Things are hunky-dory now, even after the blowout, but if Terrell Owens begins to fume at all during the offseason, cut his ass. Roy Williams can be your playmaker if it means keeping the peace (although at this point, that's not looking promising or even feasible).
4) Find a no-nonsense, hardass coach to discipline this sorry excuse for a team. I hate the son of a bitch, but the best candidate out there is Bill Cowher. He may be a piece of shit, but I don't care if he routinely masturbates on playgrounds as long as he can get the most out of these underachievers (looking at how these personalities blew up this team, it makes the 1990s Cowboys and Jimmy Johnson all that more impressive considering they had even bigger egos--and they also liked to mix in coke and whores).
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