Now is the time for another edition of "Found on Craigslist!" You might remember last time, when we discussed the man who decided to sell the Nintendo Wii he loved a bit too much. And while volume two does not feature dried semen, it still finds itself in the ball park. So, without further ado:
"DVD MOVIES
--victory, sahara, exorcist, saturday nightlive the best of mike myers, driven, this is spinal tap, cat woman, charlies angels full throttle, cellular, waynes world, all dvd movies are 5.00 each unless other wise stated
--die another day 2- cd asking 10.00
--few adult dvd movies {black} 10.00"
This particular edition lacks the 'Oh my GOD!' factor of a cum-drenched video game system. But the humor of someone deciding to part ways with his porn collection (or a specific niche within a greater collection) should not be overlooked.
The question that remains asks how I should go about eliciting a humorous response from this vendor. For the bricked-on Wii, I merely sent an inquisitory e-mail that simply said "Semen??" Unfortunately, I never heard from the man and could not post my findings. For volume two, I intend to use more creativity. I implore you, comment on which of the following scenarios you wish to see acted out:
1) I send an e-mail pretending to be a porn-freak asking for raunchy specifics about the adult films in question.
2) I send an e-mail masquerading as some sort of Christian volunteer, requesting that the man either destroy the objectionable material or donate his profits to 'our' charity...only to have a fake webpage set up on the off chance that he follows through on the donation. And there will be no discussion; the charity shall be called 'The Human Fund.'
3) I send an e-mail posing as an irate parent whose child asked what "black adult films" were, threatening a lawsuit unless he types an apology to said child in e-mail form...again sent to an account set up specifically for this prank (perhaps it could be a set address for 'Found on Craigslist?').
4) I take no action.
Naturally, there are other specifics involved, should this become a recurring bit (although 'volume two' is indicative of its common occurrence). If the angry Christian avenue is chosen, I would have to create the webpage for the faux charity. I'll probably opt for a geocities or expage entry, simply entitled FOC.insertwhicheversitehere.com. The e-mail will indicate that The Human Fund follows the "Faith of Christ," with an emphasis on the latter quotation, therefore, the 'Found on Craigslist' acronym for which the site is named will not appear out of place. Once there, an explanation for the gag will be provided, as well as links to reputable charities so as not to make light of the good work performed by these organizations.
As far as I am concerned about the e-mail address, I feel a 'FOC@gmail/hotmail/yahoo.com' will suffice. If the person(s) is gullible enough to investigate a charity that has utilized Craigslist to lecture sinners, I doubt a conspicuous freebie e-mail account will throw him/her off. Naming the imaginary person that will direct traffic to the charity remains. I'll probably use a temporary alias for the first prank, but keep options open for a permanent title down the road. I'm still undecided about using something as obvious as Derrick U. Humphrey (D.U.H.), because the 'duh' initials might seem a bit childish. I'll stick with this for now, but hope to receive feedback to help make the final decision.
As you might have guessed, I have pretty much made an executive decision on the prank. If anybody actually votes and the results are overwhelmingly in favor of one of the other options, I'll consider doing more than one gag with this person. But for now, I really want to give my preference a shot. Worst case, I get a confused e-mail in response (well, actually, worst case would be no response at all). But in the perfect scenario, this guy takes the bait and we score some money for a good cause. I don't think it could get any better than that. So, I'll listen to feedback, but I think I've made up my mind...and no matter what, votes for option 4 will not be counted.
Showing posts with label Found on Craigslist. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Found on Craigslist. Show all posts
Monday, April 28, 2008
Monday, March 31, 2008
Found on Craigslist, Volume 1
I've recently become a Craigslist junkie. I mean seriously, for someone who had a loose understanding of the concepts of the site, I've hit it's services pretty hard over the last week or so. No, seriously, it's like my cocaine. How so? Let's just say that if my addiction persists at the hardcore level it's at now, I'm one step away from bottoming out. Not unlike a coke-head snorting lines off a hooker's ass.
Anyway, I bring up Craigslist because I stumbled upon a post that gave me an idea for a new feature on the site: 'Found on Craigslist.' Basically, I clicked on an ad with a description so inconceivable, I decided I had to incorporate it's shocking unintentional humor (do I need to give credit for 'unintentional humor' to Bill Simmons?) into the blog. Here, in its entirety, is 'Found on Craigslist, Volume 1.' Let's pop the cherry on this baby:
IVE GOT HERE A NINTENDO WII. INCLUDES 2 CONTROLLERS AND ALL THE WIRING FROM THE ORIGINAL BOX BUT NO GAMES. THIS HAS BEEN PLAYED SO THERE'S SOME NORMAL WEAR AND TEAR AND SOME SEMEN STAINS ON THE TOP OF THE UNIT DON'T EXPECT LIKE OUT OF THE BOX MINT CONDITION BUT ITS NOT BROKEN. IT IS STILL HOOKED UP SO IF YOU ARE INTERESTED IN PICKUP I CAN DEMONSTRATE THAT IT STILL WORKS FINE (JUST REMEMBER YOU WONT GET THE GAMES) CONTACT FOR MORE INFO.
Did you catch it? Why not take another gander at the third sentence? Yes, you read it correctly, someone busted a load all over his Wii. Now don't get me wrong, I really like video games. However, I have never had the urge to physically prove my love to a console. Of course, maybe I should give this guy the benefit of the doubt--he could have just been making the cliche 'hey, look, I'm playing with my Wii, ha ha!' (We all thought we were geniuses when they first unveiled the name 'Wii,' didn't we), it's just that he got confused and things got out of hand (or in hand, I guess).
What I love is how candid he is about it. Maybe that's his trick. He just wants to matter-of-factly slip it by potential buyers. Yeah, system is in great shape, it's got a couple controllers, a game, some dried up semen, all the hook-ups, and the original box and instructions. You would think that if you are going to own up to the gizz, you'd specify things a little more clearly. Like, it should read thusly: all the information and contact info, line break, and finally, THERE IS SOME DRIED UP CUM ON TOP OF THE SYSTEM! I REPEAT, THINGS GOT A LITTLE WILD ONE NIGHT IN THE MIDST OF SOME WII SPORTS, AND I BUSTED MY JUNK ALL OVER THIS BABY'S SHIT!
Taking all of this into consideration, I'm prompted to ask two questions:
1) Could he not clean it off? Which branches off into some sub-questions:
a) Even in the bizarre event of bricking on your Wii, don't you think your first impulse would be holy shit, I've got to clean this baby off! Was this guy so engrossed in his game that he decided he could only take a break to orgasm and not actually tidy up his mess? 'Ohhhhhh....that's good.....Smash Brothers.'
and
b) Is dried up semen that hard to clean up? Not to the point that you could deceive a forensic scientist, but at least clean enough that you could keep a potential customer blissfully ignorant.
2) Wouldn't it be better if he either omitted any mention of the semen or claimed that it was some other substance? If I bought a video game system that had a stain on it, I would be grossed out, but my first thought wouldn't be 'that son of a bitch had a romance explosion (that term, courtesy of Borat) on my Wii.' Or, the guy could have said something like 'my son was working on a project for school and spilled some white out on the Wii, I tried cleaning it but there are a few persistent spots.'
At any rate, I have to applaud the guy for his honesty. I can confidently say that if I were ever involved in a bizarre series of events that resulted in reproductive fluid encrusting itself on my Nintendo Wii, that story is going into the vault forever. Thank God that there are certain people whose lives are open books. Because without people like this man, I would never have been able to create 'Found on Craigslist.' Thank you, sir. You sick bastard.
Anyway, I bring up Craigslist because I stumbled upon a post that gave me an idea for a new feature on the site: 'Found on Craigslist.' Basically, I clicked on an ad with a description so inconceivable, I decided I had to incorporate it's shocking unintentional humor (do I need to give credit for 'unintentional humor' to Bill Simmons?) into the blog. Here, in its entirety, is 'Found on Craigslist, Volume 1.' Let's pop the cherry on this baby:
IVE GOT HERE A NINTENDO WII. INCLUDES 2 CONTROLLERS AND ALL THE WIRING FROM THE ORIGINAL BOX BUT NO GAMES. THIS HAS BEEN PLAYED SO THERE'S SOME NORMAL WEAR AND TEAR AND SOME SEMEN STAINS ON THE TOP OF THE UNIT DON'T EXPECT LIKE OUT OF THE BOX MINT CONDITION BUT ITS NOT BROKEN. IT IS STILL HOOKED UP SO IF YOU ARE INTERESTED IN PICKUP I CAN DEMONSTRATE THAT IT STILL WORKS FINE (JUST REMEMBER YOU WONT GET THE GAMES) CONTACT FOR MORE INFO.
Did you catch it? Why not take another gander at the third sentence? Yes, you read it correctly, someone busted a load all over his Wii. Now don't get me wrong, I really like video games. However, I have never had the urge to physically prove my love to a console. Of course, maybe I should give this guy the benefit of the doubt--he could have just been making the cliche 'hey, look, I'm playing with my Wii, ha ha!' (We all thought we were geniuses when they first unveiled the name 'Wii,' didn't we), it's just that he got confused and things got out of hand (or in hand, I guess).
What I love is how candid he is about it. Maybe that's his trick. He just wants to matter-of-factly slip it by potential buyers. Yeah, system is in great shape, it's got a couple controllers, a game, some dried up semen, all the hook-ups, and the original box and instructions. You would think that if you are going to own up to the gizz, you'd specify things a little more clearly. Like, it should read thusly: all the information and contact info, line break, and finally, THERE IS SOME DRIED UP CUM ON TOP OF THE SYSTEM! I REPEAT, THINGS GOT A LITTLE WILD ONE NIGHT IN THE MIDST OF SOME WII SPORTS, AND I BUSTED MY JUNK ALL OVER THIS BABY'S SHIT!
Taking all of this into consideration, I'm prompted to ask two questions:
1) Could he not clean it off? Which branches off into some sub-questions:
a) Even in the bizarre event of bricking on your Wii, don't you think your first impulse would be holy shit, I've got to clean this baby off! Was this guy so engrossed in his game that he decided he could only take a break to orgasm and not actually tidy up his mess? 'Ohhhhhh....that's good.....Smash Brothers.'
and
b) Is dried up semen that hard to clean up? Not to the point that you could deceive a forensic scientist, but at least clean enough that you could keep a potential customer blissfully ignorant.
2) Wouldn't it be better if he either omitted any mention of the semen or claimed that it was some other substance? If I bought a video game system that had a stain on it, I would be grossed out, but my first thought wouldn't be 'that son of a bitch had a romance explosion (that term, courtesy of Borat) on my Wii.' Or, the guy could have said something like 'my son was working on a project for school and spilled some white out on the Wii, I tried cleaning it but there are a few persistent spots.'
At any rate, I have to applaud the guy for his honesty. I can confidently say that if I were ever involved in a bizarre series of events that resulted in reproductive fluid encrusting itself on my Nintendo Wii, that story is going into the vault forever. Thank God that there are certain people whose lives are open books. Because without people like this man, I would never have been able to create 'Found on Craigslist.' Thank you, sir. You sick bastard.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)