***This particular post was hastily written late at night. Rather than giving it an extensive rewrite and tweaking things here and there, I just took the lazy “screw it, it’s a blog” route and decided to post it as is. Besides, I haven’t properly written any post on this site so far, why start now? (But look for that to come this summer, when I have a lot more free time on my hands.)
With the NBA season already fast becoming one of the best in a long time, I think now more than ever would be a perfect time to sift through some random thoughts about the association. Most of them pertain to the flurry of activity that has spiced things up considerably over the past couple of weeks, but others have to deal with random ideas that have been floating around in my head.
Drum roll, please.
1) My sports schizophrenia kicks in anytime I decide to analyze the Shaq-to-Phoenix trade, with the paranoid personality thinking the worst. Best-case-scenario for Phoenix, Shaq becomes for the Suns what Kareem was to the Showtime Lakers, provides stifling interior defense, and allows for certain situations to be slowed down and ran through him for some low-post offensive carnage. If this happens, they just might be able to hoist the Larry O’Brien Trophy come this June.
But then, my rational personality kicks in and I look at the trade like so: what are the odds that Shaq is able to stay healthy for a sustainable playoff run? What are the odds that Shaq will be able to be effective going against Dirk Nowitzki, Erick Dampier, Tim Duncan, Pau Gasol, and Andrew Bynum on a continuous basis during the grueling Western Conference playoffs? How will Phoenix’s perimeter players make up for the loss of Shawn Marion, the only man on the Suns who actually played defense? How will Shaq feel about giving up the spotlight if and when the team faces adversity in May or June?
Yes, it’s possible that this is just what the Suns needed in order to finally get over the championship hump, but let’s be honest, this doesn’t necessarily seem like a dream trade for the Suns (and yes, I know what happened last time I went against my paranoid personality in a prediction, of which the last part is fun to say, by the way). Granted, Marion has always wanted to be “The Man” somewhere else and the Shaq trade has a minimal chance of being the perfect answer, but I just don’t see it. I think we will see the Shaq we’ve grown accustomed to over the past two years, because, sadly, the dream is over for the Diesel.
2) I really don’t blame Devean George for putting the kibosh on the Jason Kidd-to-Dallas trade. From what I understand, his contract guarantees him a certain amount of money over the next year or two, but a trade to New Jersey will nullify that. At this point, George can no longer attract the amount of money he would stand to make from Dallas and will lose millions. People want to give him shit about being selfish, but why would you knowingly sacrifice a fortune just because you want to remain a fan favorite? As you can tell, I really am not sure of the specifics, hence the vague contract/salary references, but I’ve been able to impart the gist of what is going on. And I still think that George is getting screwed.
3) The Chicago Bulls have shot down rumors that they are courting Larry Brown to coach their team for either the remainder of the season or at the start of next year. I think that they are nuts to do so. Save his time with the New York Knicks (which, given its current state, was obviously not his fault), Brown has gotten the most out of every team that he has coached. Heading into this season, the Bulls looked like a team that was preparing to bust through to an elite level. The Kobe Bryant trade rumors and injuries/old age (I’m looking at you Ben Wallace) have turned this season into a disaster, but Larry Brown is the ideal choice for an enforcer who can get things back on track. Add him, and tweak the roster a tad (try like hell to lose the aforementioned Wallace), and I think the Bulls can be legitimate contenders in the East next season.
4) Last week featured two college basketball games with very controversial endings. Georgetown/Villanova and Rutgers/Tennessee both ended with last second, go-ahead foul shots. I was asked by quite a few people which game bothered me more. My answer was complex: technically, I thought Georgetown over Nova was a rip-off, but I was pulling for Georgetown, so I was enraged. But the fact of the matter is that the game was very physical and the refs let them play (which is a plus), yet they gave the game to the Hoyas based on a ticky-tack call (even though technically, it was a foul, so there should be no controversy*). In all honesty, the home cookin’ that helped the game clock mysteriously stop at 0.2 seconds was a grosser offense, and Rutgers got sodomized with a spiked dildo sans lube. The only reason it didn’t bother me more was that it was a women’s basketball game. Ergo, I don’t really care.
5) I’ve officially decided that Pau Gasol must change his jersey number to 13. Why? Think of the nickname potential! We’ve been inundated with unimaginative titles such as T-Mac, AI, KG, KB24, etc. that we are starving for some creativity. Granted, my idea for Pau is corny, but cheesiness is half the fun of nicknames. Now properly prefaced, I give you Pau’s nickname (and at first, you may think “hey! That’s just another of the boring names,” but think about it for just a bit. It’s a tad more complex than you think.): PG-13. Any time he makes an amazing play, the color commentator could say “that play was rated PG-13 for strong, domineering basketball!” Or a boneheaded error: “that play was rated PG-13 for comic mischief!” Or, given the nature of the NBA: “that rape charge was rated PG-13 for strong sexual content!” Are you with me? Let’s make this happen!
6) I watched the very compelling “Airborne” documentary about the history of the slam-dunk contest. It shows how bad of shape an event is in when the pre-game tribute special is more compelling than the actual competition.
***NOTE: This thought became irrelevant after Dwight Howard single-handedly saved the dunk contest earlier this evening.
7) I actually enjoyed the bizarre long-ball challenge that pitted various teams composed of a WNBA player, NBA player, and NBA legend against one another. Still, I would like to send a message to Commissioner Stern: STOP TRYING TO MAKE THE WNBA RELEVANT, IT’S NOT GOING TO HAPPEN!
8) I am still not sure how I feel about Stan Van Gundy’s criticism of Dwight Howard last week. But I do know that Dwight Howard is the real deal and true heir apparent to Shaq. Not only did he follow up the comments with a dominant performance the next night, but he also conceded that his coach was right about his effort. Powerful and classy, nice.
9) This is a truly random thought, but how can television commentators refer to a player with a hot hand as “stroking it?” Don’t you think the censors would at least insinuate to these guys that there are some negative connotations to that term?
10) I have a theory that might seem a tad controversial to certain people (surprise, surprise): once he has been retired for a few years, I think we will look back and see Allen Iverson as one of the most underrated super-stars (which might be an oxy-moron) ever. He sacrifices his body on a nightly basis and he gave his heart and soul to a team that wasn’t committed to winning for about five years, shaving a couple of years off of his career in the process. Iverson will never be forgotten, but I do not believe that he will fully receive his due.
11) In a non-basketball story, since I’ve brought up the topic of underrating someone, where does David Puddy (Seinfeld) fit on the television character list? Looking back, every damn scene the character was in was absolutely hilarious. Maybe because he was a part of the greatest show of all-time, he gets lost in the shuffle, but it seems clear to me that we have a grave injustice on our hands.
12) You may or may not be aware that Kobe Bryant has seriously injured his shooting hand pinky finger (dislocation, followed by a torn ligament). You also may not know of a ridiculous rule hidden in the league’s by-laws that is forcing Kobe to play through the pain. The rule states that if a player is healthy enough to play in the game before all-star game, he must then play in the annual competition or face a one-game suspension (or, the player could be injured and miss both games as well). What a load of crap. Kobe has already manned up as witnessed by his decision to decline surgery and play through the pain in the regular season. But you are making him play in a silly exhibition because you won’t allow for some interpretation on the rule? I fully agree that a rule is a rule when dealing with regular or post season issues, but it’s the all-star game. Cut him some slack.
13) The three-point contest featured one of the funniest “unintentionally funny live television” moments I have ever seen. TNT trotted out Kenny Smith, Reggie Miller, Charles Barkley, and Kevin Harlan to provide commentary for the event. When asked by his fellow analysts why certain players opt to start on the far side of the court, he responded that “some guys are more comfortable with specific areas on the floor. For example, a lot of players feel that they can get in a groove once they make it past the left or right tiddy…” Barkley had a field day:
“Tiddy? Did you just say tiddy at a basketball game?”
“Wouldn’t it be more appropriate to say man boob?”
“Reggie, you don’t know how hard it is for me to hold back on this.”
Luckily for TNT, the laughter was kept at a minimum as the conversation started just prior to a commercial break. Nevertheless, I feel privileged to have witnessed this moment as it occurred in real-time. And it also proves a theory I have had floating around my head for quite some time: if you watch Charles Barkley for an extended period of time, you will witness at least one moment that will make you laugh your ass off. I guarantee it.
14) I’m going to keep this particular thought very brief, just so I don’t jinx the guy, but Vladdy Radmanovic has been looking gooooooooooooooood lately. For whatever reason, since Pau came on board, his defense has picked up and is shot has started going down. Now, let’s see some consistency you hairy bastard.
15) Now, on another Lakers note, I have come to a sad realization: I think Kobe needs to get the surgery on his pinky. It has been recommended by team doctors and will keep him sidelined for six weeks. Before the Gasol trade, I would never have dreamed of backing surgery. Yet, with Bynum back in a couple of weeks, combined with Pau (who is not that far removed from leading the Memphis Grizzlies into the playoffs three years in a row), the Lake Show can handle its own. And with any luck, Kobe can return in time to get a tune-up just before the playoffs. Because when it comes down to it, seeding really doesn’t matter in the West this year. When there is a distinct possibility that a 50 win team winds up on the outside looking in, there really is not that much of a difference between a three seed and an eight seed.
16) So as you may or may not know, I attend Indiana University. You also probably know that this year’s big man on campus in Eric Gordon. My schedule for this semester has worked out that I pass Gordon every other day on my way back from class. I don’t find it nearly as exciting as my roommate does, but that’s not the issue here. An event from earlier today has just made my “Gordon sightings” list become weirder. I visited the local Taco Bell for some fine, Mexican cuisine and lo and behold, what do I see? Eric Gordon’s family (I recognized them from their appearances on game telecasts, plus they talked to each other like they were in the loop with IU)! How weird is that? And how many more Taco Bell trips do you think they will make after this year’s NBA draft?
*And trust me, it technically should have been a foul. I just want to make this clear so I don’t get mobbed with any “then why were you such a stickler for the rules in the Pats/Ravens game?” comments.
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