Homosexual Monkeys!! (Not That There's Anything Wrong With That)

While in my own personal fortress of solitude (the shitter), I experienced an epiphany. Surely everyone is familiar with the classic children's story "Curious George." But are these folks aware that the seemingly innocent tale, a tale that is often the last thing on a child's mind before he or she falls asleep, actually promotes the acceptance of homosexual bestiality (yes, that's how it is spelled)? I'm betting not. And without someone like me taking the time to ponder the vast intricacies that make up "Curious George," this never would have come to light.

What exactly am I talking about? Let me just do a run down of the evidence that I have gathered to make this case. It is as follows:

--Monkeys are notorious for their love of bananas. You can find proof of this fact by simply watching any cartoon that depicts this animal.

--Bananas are yellow...and phallic.

--The tips of bananas are often brown, perhaps much like the tip of a 'you-know-what' after its been in (and out of, and in, and out of...) a 'you-know-where?'

--Curious George was originally entitled "Bi-Curious George." I stumbled across this little-known fact after my magic kitty cat gave me the proper documentation.

--The ranger (or whatever he is supposed to be) who attends to Curious George is dressed in a yellow hat, yellow outfit, and brown boots (long and yellow, with a brown tip--sound familiar?). If he is supposed to resemble a banana, are we then led to believe that Curious George likes to "eat" this man?

--The yellow outfit might signal the ranger's desire to fully satisfy his monkey lover. Tsk, tsk, tsk...don't let your self-esteem get so low, ranger. If he doesn't love you for who you are, clothing that appeals to his carnal needs are going to change him.

There you have it. An airtight case that proves Curious George is curious about one thing: how long the ranger can go on in the sack. Sure, you might say "no David, it just teaches children to be inquisitive, but in a safe way." My answer: yeah, like that makes any sense.