The *Uncensored* Week 8 NFL Picks

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In the picks section of this post, the Chargers have a home game that is listed at ??? as opposed to San Diego. Why, you may ask? Remember the fires that raged throughout California a couple months back? The fires put this particular game's location in doubt. In the end, however, it was held in "A Whale's Vagina."

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The *Uncensored* Week 8 NFL Picks

10/28/07

Unintentional Blog on Blog Action

There seems to have been a bit of an error while loading this column up to the website. I was pretty sure that I saved the project, but evidently I did not, so without further ado, here are the Week 8 picks…posted after all games were completed. Take solace in the fact that these were not altered in any way, ergo I did not change my picks after seeing certain wins and losses (they are uncensored, baby—doesn’t that make it seem racy?).

Anyhoo, I might as well post some quick hits since I have the benefit of hindsight (plus, it saves me from doing a recap, and I can focus my attention on a bitchin’ Colts/Pats preview):

--I assume everyone is aware of the result of the Patriots/Redskins game. Wow. If not for the fact that all focus will be on next week’s NE/Indy showdown, I am pretty sure that the Patriots would be crucified for “running up the score* (although plenty of haters will still get their shots in),” but it seems to me like New England was making a statement: “we don’t care if we piss you off for showing no mercy, no amount of extra motivation will matter against us.”** I can not wait for next week’s game (which I am going to, I might add).***

--Eric Allen, of ESPNews fame, said something so comical, I could almost feel my brain turning into Cream of Wheat. What exactly was it? He has picked Indy to win next week. No, that was not the funny part, I could at least respect it, because controversy aside, they are still the defending champs. What really got to me was the fact that Allen chose the Colts based on the fact that he believes (emphasis on believes) Indianapolis features a better defense. Take that statement in. Are you laughing? Or does your soul feel dirty for even thinking about something so crazy?

--Tying this in with the Colts D, has anyone else noticed that Bob Sanders has become the defensive equivalent of Peyton Manning (or the football equivalent of Steve Nash)? You know, RIDICULOUSLY overhyped by the fans and media. Of course, this comparison is unfair to Manning…and you know how I feel about Manning. Maybe Sanders will shut me up with a virtuoso performance against the Pats next week. I guess we will have to wait and see. All I know is that I am getting sick and tired of hearing about Bob Sanders.

*Whether or not the Pats ran up the score is irrelevant. Any team that gets burned on a fake spike deserves to be ran out of the building. The only reason this is a footnote, as opposed to getting mention in the bulk of the column, is due to the fact that Randy Moss may or may not have gotten away with offensive pass interference.

**I think that NE also tried to send a message to Indy: “we are not afraid of you, we have an offense now, too.”

***I’ll see what I can do to finagle a press badge in an attempt to participate in the post-game press conference.

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10/25/07
Week 8 NFL Picks

Detroit at Chicago
I really want to pick the Lions in this game, I really do. But I am inclined to think that the Bears offense will be rejuvenated (at least as rejuvenated as the Bears can get on offense) after that 97-yard drive last Sunday. Still, I have an ominous feeling that this pick will bite me in the ass. Oh well, a Lions team not used to exceeding expectations and a hungry, desperate Bears team at home spell a win for Chicago.
Winner: Chicago

Pittsburgh at Cincinnati
This is an intriguing game. On one hand, the Steelers will be anxious to make up for that tough loss in Denver last week. On the other hand, those talented, underachieving Bengals will still be desperate to save their season after they got back on the horse last week against the Jets. Decisions, decisions. What the hell, upset special: the Bengals make a statement at home, putting themselves back into the discussion in the AFC North.
Cincinnati

Oakland at Tennessee
The good news for Raiders fans is that their team is leaps and bounds better than last year. The bad news is that the team they face this week is actually building on last year’s success. To make matters worse, whether or not Vince Young plays appears to be irrelevant. The offense didn’t seem to regress last week against Houston with Kerry Collins at quarterback. Oakland may feature a better defense, but I still trust Collins to outscore Daunte Culpepper. And I know have faith that VY can get things done as well. No matter who is quarterbacking the team, Tennessee wins it comfortably.
Tennessee

Cleveland at St. Louis
You know, the Browns have been a lot better than anyone outside of Cleveland had initially thought. The Rams have been a lot worse. Still, I don’t expect St. Louis to finish the season completely winless, and they have to get a win somewhere. I’ve already had one nonsensical pick, and it isn’t like the Browns are some sort of powerhouse. And you never know, that clutch playoff performance from the Indians might rub off on the Browns. The Rams win it in a close won to get their first win of the year.
St. Louis

New York Giants v. Miami at London
The Giants are hot and the Dolphins are not. But can Miami get something going on Sunday? Uh, no.
New York

Philadelphia at Minnesota
Well, it looks like the Dallas Cowboys postponed Adrian Peterson’s trip to Canton, Ohio for at least another week. And I think Philly’s defense is also capable of keeping the explosive back from getting out of control. Plus, this is a team with a wounded ego after last week’s inexplicable loss to Chicago. They may not make the playoffs, but they aren’t exactly dead yet, either.
Philadelphia

Indianapolis at Carolina
It would be nice to rationalize an upset pick here by saying that Carolina’s home crowd could propel the team to the win. But it probably won’t happen, and it would most likely make me look like a moron with a grudge against Indy (okay, so the latter is pretty obvious, but the jury is still out on the former). Besides, as much as I hate Indy, it would be nice to see both the Colts and the Patriots undefeated heading into their huge Week 9 matchup. Still, the Panthers are the only team (besides the Colts) that Peyton Manning has never beaten. Urgh...must…resist…urge…In…dy. There, I got it out.
Indianapolis

Buffalo at New York Jets
Just one year removed from being a Cinderella playoff team, the New York Jets are in trouble. They had better get a win against Buffalo, because this team is on the verge of quitting on Eric Mangini. So will they be able to rally the troops and find a way to win? I don’t think so, and not just because I despise Eric Mangina. Things in Jets nation are about to get ugly, and losing to the Bills on Sunday will kick things off.
Buffalo

Houston v. San Diego at ???
Last week, I said that Houston was beginning to fall back to earth. Did that furious comeback (which ended up being in vain) against Tennessee change my mind at all? Not really. Had they won the game, it would have given them some confidence against San Diego, but losing in that manner will be devastating. I’m not completely sold that the Chargers have returned to last season’s form, but they will be good enough to handle whatever the Texans bring to the table.
San Diego

Jacksonville at Tampa Bay
Both teams are coming off of tough losses from last week. Will it come down to who is the better team or who is more pissed over losing? I don’t think it matters because the answer to both of those questions is Jacksonville. The Jaguars will be without David Garrard, but Tampa Bay’s lack of a running game means that the Jags defense will eat them alive. It will be an ugly game, but look for Jacksonville to come out of it on top, keeping the team in the upper echelon in the AFC.
Jacksonville

New Orleans at San Francisco
Yet another tough game to pick. New Orleans is a mediocre, albeit hungry, team looking to capitalize on another weak foe. San Francisco is a crappy team who gets somewhat less crappy now that their starting QB Alex Smith returns to the lineup. At the end of the day, I think New Orleans is just slightly better. Also, who knows how effective Smith will be after almost a month of inaction. I still maintain that New Orleans is not a very good team, but on Sunday, they will be good enough.
New Orleans

Washington at New England
Tom Brady at home facing a team that has pretty much no offense. I don’t care how good the Redskins defense is, it will not matter. I’ll take the Patriots.
New England

Green Bay at Denver
Denver has underachieved all year, looking terrible in the process. Green Bay has overachieved all year, looking gradually worse each week. Denver is coming off of a HUGE win over Pittsburgh on Sunday night. Will these two teams start to reverse fortunes, beginning this week? I don’t know about that. Still, I think a chilly evening at Mile High (whether or not the fans will be preoccupied with the Colorado Rockies) will bring about a win for the Broncos. How can one more upset pick hurt me?
Denver

QUICK HITS

--I just finished listening to Charles Barkley on the B.S. Report at ESPN.com. He was discussing the process for selecting the NBA MVP, and I would like to quote what he had to say: “I don’t think the MVP should go to the absolute best player, because Kobe would win it (every year).”

--Speaking of Kobe, it appears my eulogy to his Lakers career in “Adios, Mamba” might have been a little premature (I WAS EMOTIONAL, OKAY!!?). Still, I have heard a new trade rumor that has at least intrigued me (although it still won’t be enough to keep me from lapsing into a month-long state of depression). In a nutshell, it appears that Pat Riley is at least contemplating a Dwyane Wade for Kobe trade. It is logical for both sides in the sense that the Lakers get a superstar in return that they can market to L.A. fans, and it also marks one of the few ways that Miami can upgrade their lineup at this point. But none of this matters. The intriguing part would be to see Shaq and Kobe teaming up again for another title run(s).

--In football news, I would just like to ask (and I doubt that I am the first person to realize this, but I have not heard anything mentioned about it, so…) if anyone noticed that once again, the Madden Cover Jinx seems to have struck again. Vince Young has missed one and a half games thanks to a leg injury. It may not be as severe of a jinx as some in years past, but this could end up being a nagging injury, so you never know. (I also think it’s funny that Ladainian Tomlinson declined to be on the cover, yet he and his team still seem a bit “cursed” this year. It’s like ‘you don’t choose the cover, the cover chooses you.’)

--When it comes to Skip Bayless, it is almost as if I am schizophrenic. Sometimes I will write him off completely, yet inevitably, he will have one speculative rant that I can agree with, leaving me thinking “you know, good ol’ Skip is not that bad after all.” Well right now, my Skip Barometer’s needle is pointing to HATE. Why, you ask? Because, as co-host of 1st and 10 on ESPN’s First Take, he has consistently and relentlessly ripped the Dallas Cowboys for having an unproven quarterback and a soft schedule. Yet lo and behold, on Thursday’s episode, Bayless praises the New York Giants for being the class of the NFC. Let’s see, um, unproven quarterback, check. Weak schedule, check. Well, they seem to fail Skip’s “greatness test,” yet he is on the team’s bandwagon. To make things worse, as soon as the day’s other co-host, Patrick McEnroe (yes, Johnny Mac’s brother) stated that he believed the Cowboys would win the NFC East, Bayless went ballistic. This is why I can not stand Skip Bayless. He has been on Tony Romo’s case all year, waiting for him to self-destruct. But are we supposed to believe that Eli Manning is going to become leaps and bounds better than Romo. Let’s examine this: Eli Manning has 13 TD, 9 INT, and 1525 yards (completing 60% of his passes), with an 82.9 Passer Rating. Romo has 16 TD, 9 INT, and 1984 yards (completing 63% of his passes), with a 95.6 Passer Rating. If Tom Brady was not having one of the best seasons of all-time, you could make a great case for Romo as MVP (especially if the Buffalo game ends up being an anomaly). Can you say the same for Eli? No, you can’t. And I’ll concede to Skip that the Cowboys have had a fairly easy schedule, but it hasn’t been as easy as the Giants. And even if they did have a comparable schedule, Dallas is 6-1 and New York is 5-2. There are no guarantees in football, and I can not say that the Giants won’t win the division, but how can Bayless scoff at the notion of Dallas winning the division. They are 6-1, with the lone loss coming to New England. If you think that they aren’t division favorites, you are crazy. Skip, my friend, this means that you are indeed crazy.