It's Finally Here, Are You Happy?

11/12/07

SUPER BOWL 41.5 THOUGHTS

I know that it has been a long time since I have written something to post on the site. Why the delay? Well, I was hoping to keep this secret, but the mother of my children gave birth to our fifth child, Kobe Brady Childers. We are very happy, and your support and understanding is greatly appreciated. Now that I have got this subject out of the way, where do I begin?

Wow.

I know I dicked you guys over with the lack of the Week 9 NFL Picks, but I assure you I was going to pick New England. If you don’t believe me, take a look at my track record in regard to the Colts. I f***ing despise them. Joking aside, if the Colts take on a team quarterbacked by George W. Bush whose primary receiver was Satan, I would still root against them. Now I know it’s easy for Colts fans to get Tom Brady with Satan (he dates supermodels, our guy looks like Frankenstein*, he has three times as many super bowl rings as our guy, he has ice water running through his veins, our guy has cement in his…), and if you ask one, you would think that the “team of darkness” took the field this past Sunday.

And guess what?

I, David Childers, was there (with really, really ridiculously close seats*)*. Yes, I was in attendance at the artificial decibel fest that is the RCA Dome (more on this later). And I have to tell you, I was surprised. Nervous David thought “oh my God, I have a bad feeling that the Colts are going to win.” Logical David thought “come on, the Patriots are clearly the superior team, this is going to be no contest.” What transpired was something in between, the Pats were outplayed by Indy, but they ended up pulling the game out of their asses in the second half of the fourth quarter.

The perpetually pro-Colts ESPN (along with 99% of the remaining sports media) looked at this game as a positive for the Colts. Tom Jackson even delivered this marvelous contradiction (and I’m paraphrasing a bit, but I am not twisting his words around): “…there are no such things as moral victories in the NFL, but if you are the Colts you have to feel confident in a potential rematch because of all of the injuries in this game.” WHAT??! Are you kidding me? What’s more, quite a few of his colleagues concurred. For the first time ever in this rivalry, the Patriots were essentially healthy and the Colts had some injury problems. Still, Indy’s injury bug could not compete with the one that bit the Patriots in 2005 and 2006. Here is a quick recap:

Players who missed games for New England in 2005:

These players suffered season ending injuries:
--Ryan Claridge ILB
--Randall Gay CB
--Rodney Harrison S
--Dan Koppen C
--Matt Light OT
--Michael McGrew WR
--Tyrone Poole CB
--Chad Scott CB
--Gus Scott S
--Duane Starks CB
--Mike Wright NT

Oh, and did I mention starting linebacker Tedy Bruschi had a FUCKING STROKE! This list almost looks like a joke. The Pats were missing their two starting corner backs, their Pro Bowl safety, two starting offensive lineman, arguably their most important linebacker, and numerous other starters. In all, the Patriots started 45 different players (translation: a boatload of injuries), a record for a division champion. They broke the previous record of 42 held by…wait for it…that’s right, you guessed it. The 2003 New England Patriots.

In 2006:

--Don Davis ILB
--Barry Gardner ILB
--Randall Gay CB
--Tebucky Jones S
--Josh Miller P
--Garrett Mills TE/FB R
--Mel Mitchell S
--Patrick Pass FB/RB
--Junior Seau ILB
--Ken Walter P
--Gemara Williams CB UR
--Eugene Wilson S
--Billy Yates G/C
--Rodney Harrison S

This year was not quite as bad injury-wise for New England, however, they still went without a future hall of fame linebacker, two starting safeties, one starting corner back, and a mix of backup and starting players. However, in the off-season, the Patriots lost the top two receivers from the 2005 squad (David Givens and Super Bowl MVP Deion Branch, both of whom are doing jack squat without Tom Brady).*** The loss of receivers ultimately cost the Patriots another title, as primary receiver Reche Caldwell dropped a wide open first down pass that would have sealed the AFC Championship (damn you, bug eyes!).

So whine all you want Colts fans, but no one has been sodomized by injuries quite like the Patriots were in 2005 and 2006. Also, if Tom Brady would have been “hindered” by having only Reggie Wayne, the Pats would more than likely have won a championship this past season. But injuries or not, it seems like the Colts had some “extra help” on Sunday (and I am not going to mention officiating, although if you don’t acknowledge at least three ridiculous calls you are either a homer or a damn liar.^)

Besides, in a very delicious twist, it appears that even the Patriots were fairly healthy in this game, they may have been hindered by a third party source (and again, I am not going to go into detail about officiating…that would be the “fourth” party). Observant viewers watching the game at home noticed something very suspicious on the CBS telecast—with about ten minutes to go in the fourth quarter, Tom Brady hits Randy Moss with a first down pass over the middle, lowering the decibel count somewhat; but instead of a complete silence, viewers were treated to what sounded like a CD made of crowd noise skipping repeatedly.

This claim has been levied against the Colts multiple times in the past, with each accusation being scoffed at. However, like the Minnesota Vikings did in the late nineties in their dome, Indy seemed to be caught red-handed this time. Within hours of the game’s conclusion, the Patriots asked the NFL to look into the matter. Within 24 hours, the Colts had been absolved and no punishments were handed out. But honestly, look at the facts:

--The NFL claimed that CBS made an error and that their television truck plugged into the stadium PA system caused some feedback, which resulted in the conspicuous noise broadcasted across America. Firstly, since when does feedback sound like a broken record? Secondly, why would CBS’s truck be plugged into the Colts PA system? Each team has its own stadium announcer and the television analysts are not so much as acknowledged during the game. Yet we are supposed to believe that CBS caused the “feedback glitch” that screwed up the RCA Dome sound system? I’d like to try the frogs they were licking when they came up with THIS explanation. It would be more plausible to say that they accidentally picked up a live feed of two people having sex: “yeah!...yeah!...yeah!...yeah!...,” I think you get my drift.

--This next note will sound really sound like I am whiny conspiracy theorist, but, let’s be honest, do you really believe that the NFL would let something like this tarnish the image of their “golden organization?” They bend over backwards to help make their route to a Super Bowl as easy as humanly possible (*see backlash from 2003 AFC Championship), and it is pretty obvious that they hold the Colts up on some sort of moral pedestal. Do you remember how after SB XLI, almost everyone talked about how the Colts “won it the right way” (and to this day, I still don’t really know what the hell that means)? Now, can you tell me with a straight face that the NFL would substantiate some negative press coverage for this team?

--If you don’t believe that the NFL would sweep a potential controversy such as this to preserve the Colts organization, try this similar argument: the NFL wouldn’t let something like this out because they don’t want to mess up the league’s image. Two scandals in one year could really turn off a lot of fans. Spy-gate already pissed off enough people, so much so that the NFL could risk losing fans if another team was discovered to be breaking the rules. Ergo, the easiest solution would be to act like this whole thing never happened.

In a way, I am kind of glad that the Colts did not get busted for this. Don’t get me wrong, I would love to see nothing more than the idea of all the self-righteous Colts fans find out that their favorite team is just as bad as the “evil Patriots.” It is just that this way, the Patriots can be viewed by everyone else as the lone villainous team (thus giving them extra motivation), while the Colts continue to carry the false perception that they are an organization of superior class. Why do I enjoy this scenario? Because for the first time in my life, I am cheering for a team that is legitimately hated by everyone else around the league.

I know, I know, I am a Lakers fan and a Cowboys fan, and both of these teams are not very well liked outside of their respective homes. But this latest incarnation of the New England Patriots is absolutely despised by everyone. I would argue that it has reached a point to where the New York Yankees are not hated as much. What caused this hate? The easy answer to this question is “Spy-gate, duh, dumbass.” But it is a little more complex than that. In fact, a perfect storm of events led to the Patriots going from America’s adopted team to the most evil organization in the USA.

When Tom Brady and the Pats made one of the most improbable runs to the Super Bowl in league history, pretty much all of the United States were rooting for them to beat the seemingly superior Rams. Aside from the few dickheads who felt the Raiders got cheated (hey morons, the tuck rule might have been a stupid rule, but it was still the rule), everyone outside of Missouri was hoping for the upset, especially since patriotic fervor in this country was as high as it’s been since the end of World War II. It only seemed appropriate for New England to win.

And they did.

And people were happy. But they also assumed it was an anomaly, especially after New England finished the next year out of the playoffs with a 9-7 record. But in 2003, the tide began to change. After an inauspicious 2-2 start, New England decided as a team that they wanted to become a juggernaut. They closed the season with twelve straight victories and a 14-2 record. Maybe they didn’t have as many fans as they did in 2001, but following their second title in three years, people began to view New England as the NFL’s model organization: you may have more individual talent, but we will use the leagues’ best coach and best quarterback to draw up a gameplan that will leave you clueless.

But it was in 2003 that the seeds were planted for the Patriots to ultimately inherit the role of the villain. After Bill Belichick decided to cut a veteran player in the midst of the 2-2 start, ESPN’s Tom Jackson had some very choice words for the coach and his decision: “they won’t admit it, but the players in his locker room hate [Belichick] right now.” Keep in mind, this was in early October. Four months later, just moments after his team won the championship, Belichick still had the comment on his brain. Tom Jackson met the coach on the field and congratulated him. Belichick’s response: “fuck you.” To this day, I personally believe that Tom Jackson roots against New England. Honestly, watch him analyze the team. Even when he is complimentary, you still get the feeling something is lurking beneath the surface. In fact, just take a look at the beginning of this column and re-read the “moral victory” comments from Jackson.

By the time the Patriots won their third title in 2004, the American public seemed to have had enough. In addition to winning their third Super Bowl, the Patriots also set the NFL record for most victories in a row with 21.^^ For starters, Peyton Manning and the Colts seemed to have fully embraced “aw, shucks” image, and more and more people began to feel sorry for Manning and his inability to win a big game. More people also began to refer to the Patriots as the Yankees of the NFL. To this day, whenever someone brings up this comparison, I say “no, there is a salary cap in the NFL, you penis wrinkle.” The Yankees outspend, the Patriots outsmart.

The Patriots, thanks to an unfair first half schedule and a boat load of injuries were not able to pull off the repeat, but yet another early playoff exit for Manning’s boys set the stage for a showdown next season. And by the time the 2006 AFC Championship game rolled around, the public would forever perceive Indy as the good and New England as the evil. After the Colts won a game which I have forever blocked out of my mind, the Patriots finally said “uncle” to the free agent market. They brought in loads of talent, and further cemented their “evil Yankees” reputation. The 2007 season brought about Spy-gate, and as you know, the rest is history.

But I would like to back up to that 2006 AFC Championship game if I may. I know, I know, I said that I had this game blocked out of my mind, but I will soldier through psychologically to bring up this point. In this game, almost half of the Patriots lineup was suffering with the flu. Knowing this, the Colts decided to turn up the heat in the RCA Dome to an almost unbearable level (I can’t remember what the exact temperature is, but you can look it up). And the fact that the team plays in a DOME, proves that this heat tactic was used to gain an advantage. And I have no problem with it, just as long as you ditch the whole “classy” moniker (and you can also stop complaining about the Patriots leaving the tarp off of their field to let the ground get crappy in the 2003 and 2004 playoffs, because this is essentially the same thing). It is a perk to having home field advantage, and the Colts had every right to use it. Still, it also endangered sick players…so I’ll let you be the judge as to whether the Colts cheated in this game or not.

In the November 2007 match-up, however, it seems pretty obvious that Indianapolis cheated.^^^ And if you are delusional to the point that you don’t believe the evidence brought forth against the Colts consider this: a former RCA Dome employee has stated that the Colts have used these tactics many times before. Now it becomes a case of believing who you want to believe, but I can tell you one thing with certainty: I have been to a few games at RCA, and while it is loud, it has never been as loud as it was this past Sunday. Maybe this is just indicative of how Colts fans gear up for a monumental game. Or maybe, just maybe, it was something else…

QUICK HITS
--I have become a huge fan of the NBA’s “Where Amazing Happens” commercials. Each one is literally like a work of art. The simple piano backing enables the ads to give off more power.

--One thing that kept coming to mind while I was watching Wednesday night’s Spurs/Heat game: “Jon Barry…what an ass.” Of course, this comes to mind whenever I hear Jon Barry speak about something.

--I only got to see the last ten seconds of the second game of Wednesday’s double-header between Cleveland and Utah, but I saw plenty. Down by three, Lebron James decides to take a three pointer at the top of the key, and he makes it…with 6.8 seconds left. Deron Williams proceeds to drive the length of the court to hit the game-winning lay-up. Nice one Bron-Bron. Even in a clutch moment, you still choke. You can not allow Utah to have as much time left as they did.

--I was happy Utah defeated Cleveland, but their post-game celebration made me sick (and they are not the only team that is guilty of this): confetti began to stream down from the rafters of the Delta Center. It’s an 82 game season fellas. It is absolutely ridiculous to celebrate like this so early in the season, in fact, I have made a new rule: you can not drop confetti unless a) you clinch a playoff berth, b) you clinch a division, or c) a playoff series. Perhaps extenuating circumstances, such as major individual accomplishments, will apply, but they can be dealt with once they present themselves.

--I was watching “Jim Rome is Burning” this afternoon, and he mentioned that Steve Nash was a guest on his radio show earlier in the day. He then proceeds to lavish Nash with compliments for the next few minutes, explaining how “underrated he is” and “how he has deserved his MVP trophies.” Newsflash, Rome. The NBA countered its image problem after the 2004 Brawl by pushing Nash as such a hot commodity. Face it, Nash has two MVPs because he is white, not because he is deserving.

--And as for being underrated, my theory on why the Suns tend to suck whenever they are missing Nash for a couple of games is this: the team’s current gameplan calls for a manic-paced offense. When Nash is gone, their isn’t an out of control point guard on the bench to fill his shoes, so they struggle. They can not drastically change their gameplan for a couple games while Nash is gone, so they take their lumps when they have to. I would be willing to bet that if Nash was gone for an entire season, the Suns would still be a formidable foe in the playoffs.

--Is anyone else starting to become alarmed at the rising number of Cuba Gooding/Michael Jordan Hanes Ads? How much homoerotic, sexual tension exists between these two?

--I know we are not even two weeks into the NBA season, so this is something of a moot point, but the Boston Celtics are the best team in the league right now, not just the Eastern Conference. The combination of KG, Paul Pierce, and Ray Allen, and they chemistry they possess (again, at THIS point in the year) is too much for anybody else. This leads me to my next point.

--I hate Danny Ainge. Talk about being the luckiest guy in all of sports. In the past couple years as Boston’s GM, he has proved the idea that 27 wrongs make a right. Look at his track record—lots of gamble trades that have hindered his team with mediocre players playing with big-time contracts. Then he mortgages his future yet again by giving up the team’s 2007 first rounder to get Ray Allen. Yet lo and behold, a former Celtic (and current T-Wolves GM) Kevin McHale bails the dumbass out with the Kevin Garnett trade, making him look like a genius for getting Ray Allen in the process.

--I have a theory about Kobe Bryant and the 2007 Los Angeles Lakers. Heading into this year, it appeared that this team would be marred with controversy, limping through the year in a dysfunctional fashion. Yet so far, the season has progressed in an entirely different fashion. The Lakers have been loose, the moves (most notably Vlad Radmanovic) made in the 2006 off-season seem to be working this year, on the offensive side of the ball, and overall, they have been playing solid team defense. Sources close to the team say that Kobe Bryant has almost completely returned to his role as a team leader and is anything but a distraction. This is where my theory kicks in. I think that there is a possibility that Kobe wishes to be elsewhere so much, that his drive to take over games all by himself has diminished a bit. Don’t get me wrong, he is still playing as hard as he ever has, yet with the possibility of going to another team, he no longer lives and dies with every loss. This means that in a strange way, his relaxed approach to the game has allowed him to incorporate his teammates into the offense more than he ever has in seasons past (and can you blame him? Sometimes, I think that it makes more since for Kobe to take a fade-away 24 footer as opposed to feeding it in to Kwame Brown for a botched low post move), allowing the triangle to finally come to true fruition with this current Lakers roster. Maybe I am crazy, but if Kobe remains in L.A. this year and continues to take the same approach to the game, he should be a front-runner for MVP (although the biased media would never vote for him). And don’t sleep on the Lakers, they are starting to play as well as they did before injuries crushed them last year, you know, back when they were knocking on the door of the elite teams out West. And if they can somehow make a trade for a high-caliber player (say, Jermaine O’Neal) without giving up too much of their core, watch out for the Lakers.

--After an optimistic Lakers note, check out this alarming, albeit unconfirmed, rumor: there have been whispers strewn around Illinois that Kobe Bryant is finalizing a deal that would allow him to purchase Michael Jordan’s Chicago home. Yikes.

--Unfortunately, with such a delay between blogs, I was unable to throw in my two cents on the whole Don Shula fiasco as it was going on. Still, I am pretty sure that you will be able to decipher which side I align with. Let me just say this…I think a certain steakhouse entrepreneur is a jealous SOB who is making excuses early just in case a certain outperforms the team he coached in 1972 in an attempt to claim that “he felt this way all along.” Two words come to mind: pre-emptive strike.

--I think that Tubby Smith would have defeated Gardner-Webb.

--I despise the Eagles, but I have always kind of liked Donavan McNabb. He is a class act who has been unfairly treated by a polarizing local media and fans with ridiculously high expectations. Obviously, you have to question his ability to perform in crunch time, but statistically, he has been nothing but a winner during his tenure in Philadelphia this week. He made some statements this past week which, while kind of selling his teammates out, were brutally honest. Whether Philly rallies to get a playoff spot in the NFC or not, I believe McNabb has reached his tipping point in Philadelphia. He is basically Rodney Dangerfield in that town. And it’s too bad, because he has been en route to a hall-of-fame career there. If they aren’t careful, Bears or Vikings fans will be the ones learning to respect him.

--On a non-sports note, I would like to share my views on the Hollywood writers strike. It pains me not to be able to view new episodes of Conan and, in a couple of weeks, the Thursday night lineup on NBC, but I fully back them up. If I understand things correctly, writers are not receiving a dime from DVD sales or Internet broadcasts (which raise revenue for the network and the stars of the show, so why not the writers?) of the shows they help create. Unless I am mistaken, these folks are getting a raw deal. With this being said, will anyone notice if “Family Guy” is forced to begin airing reruns since they recycle all of their jokes anyway?

--In all honesty, this next bit should be considered a separate blog entry, but to make the fruits of my labor over the past week and a half appear grand, I am keeping these two entries together to form a blog on the scale of Tommy Lee’s cock. Enjoy.

The Week (10) In Review

I would first like to discuss the Dallas Cowboys, who, by defeating the New York Giants on Sunday, took another huge step in securing their first NFC East title since 1998. This is the best I have felt about Dallas in a long time. I was teased for a couple of weeks last year, thinking that might have been the class of the NFC, but after sputtering to a wild card berth and early playoff exit, I was proven otherwise. I was further discouraged in the off-season as the team was unable to lure Bill Parcells*^ back for at least one more season. But now, it appears (and I emphasize “appears,” while strongly noting that anything can change) that they are the class of the NFC. And as Troy Aikman mentioned on Sunday during the telecast, they just might be the second best team in the league. I understand that the Packers are 8-1, but for whatever reason, I just don’t believe that they can contend with the Cowboys (oh, and a note on the Adrian Peterson injury during the GB/MIN game: for supposedly wanting to limit Peterson’s amount of carries this season, why was he even playing that late in a blowout loss?).

The Cowboys have an explosive offense: Romo, who I am not saying is the next Tom Brady, seems to be the real deal. They are missing their number two receiver, yet keep plugging away. And the two-headed monster of Julius Jones and Marion Barber is giving run defenses across the league fits. On defense, the Cowboys feature a great front seven (that will only get better, thanks to Tank Johnson). Last season, and early this year, the Cowboys sole weakness seemed to be coverage in the secondary. Yet up to this point in the season, the Cowboys have retooled their approach to pass defense to transform the defensive backs into a solid unit.

Sunday’s game further drove these points home, at least in my eyes. Even when the Giants were able to keep pace in the first half, I was not really concerned. This year, the even when the Cowboys struggled in the first half, they have always remained resilient, making just enough adjustments to put games away—this is another sign of a great team. Coming out of the half, Romo and Co. kicked things up another notch and the defense buckled down, outscoring the Giants 14-3.

When you look at what they were going up against heading into the game, and how they were able to perform, it speaks volumes about the team. The Giants front seven talked smack all week about how they were going to apply pressure to Romo. They claimed that his four touchdowns in their week one loss was a fluke, because they were a “different team” then. Well guess what? Romo was able to dodge the pressure in this game and put up another four touchdowns. The final one being a toss to Terrell Owens (who, don’t look now, is starting to put forth All-Pro numbers) that emphatically closed the door on the Giants (who were heavily touted as the class of the NFC heading into this game, specifically by Skip Bayless, who also happened to be mysteriously absent from today’s episode of “First Take”). I also think that it sent a message to the rest of the league that maybe, just maybe, if the Cowboys are fortunate enough to get there, showed that they can compete with the representative of the AFC.

Now, on to Week 11’s “Pleasant Surprise of the Week,” I’m referring, of course, to the Indianapolis Colts/San Diego Chargers game. Holy cow. I mean, as an outspoken hater of the Colts, I could not have imagined a greater scenario than this. San Diego jumps out to an improbable lead, Peyton Manning throws SIX interceptions**^^ and seemingly leads Indianapolis back from the dead to an improbable victory, only to have Adam “Benedict Arnold” Viniatieri (if it were appropriate to use two nicknames at the same time, I would have tacked “Vinatierrible” on the end) botch a go-ahead 29 yard field goal.

Now, a “glass half-full” kind of person is able to find silver lining in this game. The Colts had just come off an emotional home loss to the Patriots, they were missing a lot of guys due to injury, and they were almost able to pull off a win in a game they had no business winning. And in all honesty, these may be valid points. But, and I am saying this in all seriousness and not just as a Colts hater, I think the “glass half-empty” approach is more logical.

First of all, I am well aware that the Colts were not the same this week thanks to injuries. But this team looked terrible. What’s worse, Peyton Manning looked very, very human. I know, you are thinking “just wait until Marvin comes back,” and you may be right. But what if he is never the same after he comes back? It is not like he is getting any younger. The man has been Manning’s favorite target since he broke into the league, what happens when he is gone? I make fun of Manning’s inflated contract, but the fact of the matter is that he does hinder his team’s ability to go after upper echelon talent. Could this come back to bite him in the ass in a year or two?

And even if Marvin Harrison were never to play another down, I know that Peyton Manning will probably never have another game as bad as the one he had against the Bolts. But when the Colts are in a conference as competitive as the AFC, can they even afford to take what would be a minor step backwards? All of a sudden, the Patriots have gotten younger and more talented on the offensive side of the ball, and with Bill Belichick at the helm, the defense will always be solid. New England looks to get a top-five pick in the 2008 draft, via San Francisco, and given the team’s track record with scouting, they will probably inherit a stud.

When you compare the five-year forecast of the Patriots and Colts, and you are truly honest with yourself, whose future looks brighter? Tom Brady finally has his receivers, and they will not be going anywhere. Laurence Maroney seems like he will be perfectly capable in the Pats offensive scheme. The defense has a few older guys, but enough young blood that there won’t be a year where there is a significant drop-off in production.

The Colts, on the other hand, don’t appear to be so lucky. If Sunday’s game against the Chargers was any indication, and despite being only one game, I think it is, Indy is not nearly as explosive without Marvin Harrison. If the Colts still rely on him as much as they do now as he gets older, teams will be able to blitz Manning more, either causing more pressure (which, more than anything else, makes Manning look very human) or nullifying Dallas Clark, who will be forced to stay in and help block more often. Additionally, a slower Harrison and a preoccupied Clark will allow more double coverage on Reggie Wayne. I am aware that this is worst-case scenario, but it seems like a domino effect could take its toll on the Colts offense. Just ask the ‘90s era Cowboys about holding on to beloved players for too long.

Even if the above scenario plays out like I describe, Manning is too good to have his offense completely stifled. But do you honestly believe that the Colts can afford even the slightest regression if they are to compete with New England? It will definitely be interesting to see. But I have said ever since Indy’s playoff loss two years ago that it seems like the teams window to win is closing. They won a championship last year, taking a lot of wind out of that statement. However, the central message of the comment rings true. After a while, a reliance on aging players could prove costly. I guess we will just have to see how things play out.

QUICK HITS
--I know this will probably come off as Peyton-bashing, but I would like to throw an idea out to you. Actually, it’s kind of a two-parter:

1) Why is it that the media (who I honestly believe favors Indy and Manning way more than NE and Brady) makes such a big case over Peyton Manning going 0-2 while missing some key players on offense when Tom Brady was one Reche Caldwell drop away from going to his fourth Super Bowl last year…after losing his top two receivers from 2005 and missing a starting O-lineman due to injury? I’m just asking.

2) Has it occurred to anyone that Tom Brady, even when his receivers were healthy, has won three titles with less talent on offense than Manning has this year, even with his injured team? Look at Deion Branch and David Givens. Where are they without Tom Brady? How about Reche F***ing Caldwell? Was Manning’s performance against the Chargers not just a testament to the greatness of Tom Brady, but an indicator of what things would have been like for New England if Manning and Brady were to switch places in 2001? At least think about it. (And I would like to point out that I was originally going to use a joke that makes fun of Manning to offer a similar point, yet I refrained. The main reason is that as much as I enjoyed his struggles, I know Manning is still a hell of a quarterback, at least in his system.)

--It seems to me that the New England Patriots progressed during the bye week, even while remaining idle. I mean, without doing anything, their lead over the Colts in the AFC essentially ballooned to three games. If anything, the team neither progressed nor regressed, that is, unless you consult the genius that is Merril Hoge. For starters, heading into the NE/IND game, he claimed the Colts were the best team in the NFL. After the loss, he claimed that the Colts should somehow take solace in the loss (yeah, I find giving up a ten point lead in the last eight minutes of the game in your house comforting too, Merril). But now, after the Colts suffered another setback, is he ready to acknowledge New England? Of course not. What am I referring too? Just take a look at his power rankings:

1) Pittsburgh
2) New England
3) Indianapolis
4) Green Bay
5) Dallas

I’ll ignore the jab at the Cowboys, because his ignorance at the top of the list infuriates me to no end. How can the 9-0 Patriots lose ground to the 7-2 Steelers, just because they had their off week? I am not taking anything away from their come from behind victory against Cleveland (partly, because I think the Browns are still a very good team). But the fact of the matter is that this team barely escaped defeat at home. Elite teams are supposed to take care of business on their turf. It would be one thing if this game was a hiccup en route to a 14-2 or 15-1 (or even a 16-0, I guess) season. But they have already lost to Arizona and Denver, two pretty unspectacular teams. And taking this all in, I am not disputing that they are a great team. But putting the Steelers ahead of the Patriots at this point in the season is the action of a contrarian with his fingers crossed.

--If you have reached this point, you have made it through the colossal column. I hope this makes up for the temporary hiatus. I apologize and I will try to make sure it never happens again.

*Actually Frankenstein’s monster, but this is a mistake I repeatedly, and knowingly, make.
**The perk for renewing season tickets year after unspectacular year is that once the Colts had ascended to some level of glory, ticket holders were able to get cheap tickets for high profile games. The man who gave these tickets to me practiced this, and as a result I was twenty rows from the field.
***Although, in a positive twist, the loss of Branch paved the way for the acquisition of Randy Moss in the off-season.
^In fact, in his latest column, Bill Simmons likened the officiating in this game to that featured in the movie “Victory.” Except in that movie not only were the officials biased, they were Nazis.
^^This might be the most overlooked record in the NFL. Screw the 1972 Dolphins, this is more impressive. People who are in denial over this also probably think that the “Tiger Slam” in golf should not count as a single season grand slam.
^^^Another factor to consider, besides artificial crowd noise, for some reason Tom Brady’s radio headset malfunctioned to the point that he had to alter his usual play-calling routine on nearly every possession. Coincidence?
*^I would really like to take the time to express the gratitude that I have towards Bill Parcells. Yes, the Cowboys wanted to retain his services, but (even though Wade Phillips, or at least his lax attitude, seems to be the perfect fit right now) some of the veiled insults he has received from his former players (particularly when they express their love for Phillips approach to the game) is really unnecessary. Parcells is just as responsible as anyone else for the Cowboys to have a legitimate chance to reach the Super Bowl this year. He has completely turned around and organization that was marred with three consecutive 5-11 seasons and no apparent direction. He has been severely undervalued, and I would like to take the time to thank him for all that he did.
**^^I am well aware that both cases (particularly Peyton’s) were cheap interceptions, but I found it ironic that both Eli and Peyton Manning each concluded his team’s loss with a last second interception.