I officially screwed up my sleep schedule over the next day or two (thank God for the weekend, I guess) thanks to a scentiliating tennis match that did not end until about six in the morning. Of course, I am talking about the Australian Open Semi-Final between Jo-Wilfried Tsonga and Rafael Nadal. For those who are unaware, Tsonga pulled a San Diego Chargers on Nadal (who in this play, takes the part of the Colts), preventing the desired Federer (who still has a tough match himself against Novak Djokovic, a man who has taken Federer down more than once, albeit in non-Grand Slam tournaments) v. Nadal match-up.
I for one could not have been happier to see Rafael lose. Hence the reason that I stayed up until daybreak to see him go up in flames. I mean, am I the only one who jumps to irrational conclusions based on how annoying I think a person looks? Take Igor Olshansky, for instance, not only did his ignorant comments about the Patriots piss me off a tad, but those damn beady eyes, the Jeremy Shockey haircut, the tattoos, and the whiny voice made him seem like an absolute taint. And I had never even seen him outside of a football game prior to the incident(s).
Rafael Nadal has this effect on me as well. I'm not the biggest tennis fan in the world, but I enjoy playing it and watching Grand Slam matches from the quarter-finals on. And even when I do watch, tennis is the sole sport where I prefer watching women compete over men (oh, Maria...and she plays Ana Ivanovic in the Final? Schwing!!). But I'm a big Roger Federer fan (humble, kind, and classy...you know, the kind of attributes LT pretends that he has), and he happens to be Nadal's chief rival, so that's probably part of the reason I don't like him. In fact, maybe a list would be the best way to express my disdain for this particular Spaniard:
1. Long hair on a man who isn't a hippy is unacceptable (unless, y'know, you're Jesus...although He has some hippy-esque aspects to him--and I honestly mean that in a very good way). Until Nadal violates a drug screening by testing positive for marijuana, he is not allowed to have those locks.
2. He specializes in clay; you know who else specialized in clay? Hitler. Okay, so I can't verify that, but Hitler was an artist, so for the sake of this argument, I'm gonna assumed he molded clay.
3. Evidently Nadal is not a big fan of sleeves...I am.
4. Evidently Nadal is not a big fan of men's shorts and/or pants...I am.
5. He spells his name R-A-F-A-E-L. Watch some fucking Ninja Turtles and learn how to spell your own name, pal.
6. He's trying to make the extra-large headband his thing. That's Axl Rose's thing, dammit!
7. His attitude leads me to think that he is the Spanish Andy Roddick. Did I mention that Andy Roddick is a twat?
8. He refers to himself by his nickname--Rafa. One, that is a terrible nickname (hi, I'm Dav, and this is my friend Nath) and two, you don't refer to yourself by your nickname (do you see me walking around introducing myself as "World's Greatest Lover?" Of course not. It's assumed).
9. His favorite pastime is playing PSP...YOU GOTTA DS THAT SHIT UP, SON!
10. He worships Satan.
Okay, so I made the last one up. So sue me. What? You mean he can sue me for libel? Eh, if it comes up, I'll just say Satan is South Americans Teaching At-Risk Ninos. He'd sue me for that? Does he not want to help the under-privileged ninos?! What the hell is wrong with him? Now I've got an eleventh reason not to like him.
11. He hates poor children.
I love the internet.
There you have it. I now have eleven VERY logical reasons to dislike Nadal. You won't hear anyone calling me irrational now. As for the remaining Aussie Open matches, I like Federer against both Djokovic and Tsonga, and I'll take Maria over Ana Ivanovic in the battle for my penis--I mean affection. I'll sign out for now...enjoy seeing the Heat make it fifteen in a row versus the Spurs.
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