The NBA Tip-Off Running Diary

10/31/07

11:00
We are almost five minutes into the Lakers/Rockets game as Los Angeles leads 5-2, all points coming from Kobe Bryant. The big news, Kobe was booed by the Staples Center crowd. What!? Are they nuts? Do they not realize that this is the absolutely worst thing they can do, especially at a sensitive time like this. For all that Kobe has done for this team, it is completely classless to turn on him now.

11:02
Marv Albert has just informed us that Yao Ming was married over the summer. What do you think, is she a midget or she-Yao?

11:03
Ah, it is so nice to see Derek Fisher back in a Lakers uniform. In all honesty, he should probably be a backup, but compared to Smush Parker, he is Jason Kidd. If only Kobe had the positive outlook from last year, things could be great. They are very close to being healthy, and they look pretty good through half of a quarter. (Keep in mind that L.A. was a fifty win team until injuries absolutely raped the team last season.)

11:05
I can not stand any of Lebron James’ commercials, but his latest just annoys me. Bron-Bron just can not pull off the “serious voiceover,” artsy, black and white commercials. “You don’t want to be Lebron James, you want to be better than Lebron James.” Whatever, it should be “you don’t want to be Lebron James, you want to be Kobe Bryant.”

11:07
Kobe generally has what you would call an intense game face, but tonight he looks more determined than I have ever seen him—and that is saying something. He definitely has a chip on his shoulder (maybe the Zen Master knew what he was doing after all). He is playing very aggressively, and don’t look now, but his team is leading 13-4.

11:09
Say what you will about Mitch Kupchak (for example, so-so GM who has no spine and lets his owner dictate everything), but he has had some off-the-wall picks pan out. The best example of these: Ronny Turiaff. He brings so much energy and is becoming a better player all the time.

11:12
Heads-up play by Kwame Brown, as he tips a rebound to a stray Houston Rocket. Yet as I type Kobe leads a break and dishes it to Turiaff for a thunderous dunk. It is 17-10.

11:13
Shane Battier steals the ball from Kwame in the post in a move straight out of a sixth grade playbook. In all fairness, Kwame has looked okay so far, aside from a couple of bonehead plays. And speaking of Battier, he is definitely a starter on my All-Better Pro Than I Figured He Would Be Coming Out of College Team.

11:16
In case you have not noticed that I have yet to mention either of them, Lamar Odom and Vladimir Radmanovic are inactive for tonight’s game. Lamar Odom is getting a much deserved rest after sacrificing his body for the team last year. Radmanovic? Well, he is getting a rest after sacrificing his body to a ski slope last year.

11:18
Some people can pull off the “corn rows (or is it rolls? This is one of the mysteries of life I have always wondered)” hairstyle (perfect example: Allen Iverson). Others can not. This is why I am so glad that Kwame Brown decided to cut his hair.

11:20
As Kobe knocks down two free throws to make it 21-12, members of the crowd begin an “MVP” chant. Wow, talk about schizophrenia at its most obvious.

11:22
Maurice Evans checks in and is wearing the exact same arm sleeve as Kobe. Kobe has a wrist injury, thus the reasoning for the sleeve. As for Evans, I am pretty sure that he is just wearing the damn thing to trick his teammates into setting him up for a missed 17-footer.

11:25
End of the first quarter, Lakers lead 25-16. Kobe Bryant’s line: 13 points, 3 rebounds, and two assists. Is it too early for a Kobe for MVP watch?

11:28
Bonzi Wells’ mole is covering Kobe on defense.

11:30
He started out well last year, but closed terribly, and it is carrying over to this year. This raises the question: why in the hell is Maurice Evans on the floor? As I write, Kobe stems the tide a bit, knocking down a jumper to make it 27-23.

11:34
It is impossible not to like Dikembe Mutumbo. In fact, here is why he should be a “Sportsman of the Year” candidate every year.

11:36
Kobe is on the bench. The Rockets have tied up the game at 29. Do you think that there is a correlation here?

11:38
I am pretty sure that “Stevie Franchise” was just shown napping on the sidelines. Oh how the mighty have fallen.

11:40
You know, now that I have a commercial break, I will speculate about something that will sound all too familiar. Guess what Charles Barkley was asked to say on the TNT broadcast by Conan O’Brien? That’s right. “JUB-JUB!” Hopefully he has not said it yet, so I may be vindicated for missing Joe Buck say it in the first game of the world series. Hopefully there will be more on this later.

11:42
Nothing quite compares to Doug Collins narrating a story over a Kanye West song (“Stronger,” in case you were wondering).

11:44
Kobe has missed his second free throw, coincidentally he has also uttered his second four letter expletive that was accidentally picked up by the microphone. Another twist, the Lakers have Kobe Bryant and Coby Karl on the floor. It’s blowing my mind.

11:45
As Kobe deflects a Tracy McGrady pass, it is obvious that Bryant (who, I might add, was an All-Defensive Player last year) has kicked his defense up another notch, much like he did in the Olympic qualifier.

11:46
Kwame Brown at the free throw line, fingers crossed. First attempt: clank. Second attempt: clank. Offensive rebound to himself, though, giving L.A. a fresh shot clock.
They do nothing this trip, but get a fast break completed with a Brown dunk. Read this passage again, what a weird cycle for Kwame.

11:50
Hmm, Kobe has been frustrated by yet another no-call. And now, another one. The big question is whether or not he will pick up a technical before or after halftime.

11:55
A patented corner three pointer from Derek Fisher wakes up the Lakers offense and ignites the crowd. Kobe follows it up with a nifty reverse layup, 42-41, Rockets.

11:57
I’m impressed. Yes, Doug Collins is reliving yet another experience from coaching Michael Jordan, but it comes at the close of the first half. (For those who may be unaware, Collins makes a minimum of five references to Jordan during every broadcast.) We head to halftime tied at 43. Tracy McGrady clearly says the word “fuck” right in front of the camera as he strolls to the visitors locker room. Craig Sager interviews Kobe as he heads off the floor, and his responses to Sager’s questions spark some optimism in me. Particularly his “I’m a Laker” comments; maybe, just maybe, he will stay in the purple and gold.

12:02
Oh look at the time, Happy Halloween to my faithful readers. Both of them. Anyway, the ol’ Chuckster didn’t say “Jub-Jub” in the first halftime segment. Of course, he didn’t have too much face time, so there is still hope. Oh, and this will be quite a bit of a tangent, but “face time” reminded me of it. Yesterday on Around the Horn, J.A. Adande complimented Kevin Blackistone (both sports writers and AtH participants) for participating in a marathon to raise money for the San Diego wildfires. He did point out, and this is where it gets funny, that Blackistone failed to beat Oprah’s marathon time by over half an hour. Ha ha, right?

12:07
CHUCK CALLS OUT SKIP BAYLESS!! HOT DAMN! This makes my night, you don’t understand. What exactly did he say? I’ll paraphrase for you.

Chuck: “People say that the Spurs are boring to watch. They ain’t [sic] boring to watch, you just don’t know anything about basketball. (pause) Skip Bayless.”

I know you think I am a raving lunatic, and you are probably confused, but just trust me, it was awesome. Anyway, the Round Mound of Rebound mentioned Bayless as TNT recapped the Spurs/Blazers game from earlier. You know, I have thought this for years, but neglected to mention because A) I never really had a forum to mention before and B) my hate for the Spurs had not subsided until this past postseason as they took out the much-hated Phoenix Suns, but the San Antonio Spurs are the New England Patriots of the NBA. They win by drafting efficient players who do the little things to win, each player is selfless and completely devoted to the team, and they are the smartest organization in the league. Up until this year, they also played the same way, not very flashy, but very efficient. But New England decided to field a football version of the Harlem Globetrotters, so this comparison went out the window (not that there is anything wrong with that).

12:16
“Thriller” plays as TNT returns from a commercial break. Goodness, Skip Bayless bashing and Michael Jackson featured within minutes of each other. I’m getting close to creaming my pants. Okay, that was inappropriate, and I’m sorry. (But if they by chance show Sarah Chalke in attendance, the comment stands.)

12:19
We are 25 seconds into the third quarter and Kwame Brown has picked up two more fouls.

12:21
Rockets sprint out of the gates with a 6-0 run. It is of paramount importance for the Lakers to respond right here. Los Angeles can prove that they belong in the discussion out West if they can weather the storm and somehow win tonight. I know it’s only opening night, but a victory would be huge.

12:24
Holy crap. I just saw Bruce Bowen on an “NBA Cares” commercial and his voice does not match his body at all. This was followed by a promo for the movie “Sahara” on TNT. Didn’t that movie come out last week? You can tell the quality of a movie by how quickly it surfaces on basic cable.

12:27
I hate to be critical, but Kobe is forcing a lot of tough shots. His percentage is suffering as a result. I understand he plays with the Bad News Bears of basketball, but he has proved that he can facilitate this team towards a victory in the past, so he should try to do it now. As I type this, Kobe fights his way through a couple defenders, finishing with a tough layup contested by Yao.

12:30
I really hope that at some point tonight, TNT shows the replay of Kobe dunking over Yao from the 2003. One of the most underrated dunks of all-time, if only because you never hear about it. Yet another slight against Kobe by the sports media (and yes, I am referring to his total MVP snub from the past two seasons, particularly 2005-06).

12:33
The Lakers just scored for the Rockets. I am not kidding. In other news, Kobe walks off the floor in disgust. Okay, not really, but he did just knock down a tricky turn around jumper over Yao.

12:35
I just saw one of the new NBA commercials with the new slogan “Where Amazing Happens.” This leads me to the surreal comment by David Stern this morning, as quoted by USA Today:

"Amazing," he says, "is where 81 points (by Kobe Bryant) happens, where Ben Wallace's hair happens, where Yao Ming happens, where caring happens." He pauses, then adds, "Where Donaghy happens, where clubbing happens, where registered weapons happen. We invite our fans to mesh up whatever happens. It's all there.
"With the playoffs and preseason, we have close to 1,500 episodes of the best reality programming that plays around the world. That reality happens, fortunately or unfortunately, on the court and off the court. It includes everything.”
Two years ago, Stern institutes a dress code to keep the “thug” image to a minimum. Now it sounds like he is taking a cue from Jerry Springer. Maybe the Donaghy scandal made him go crazy.**

12:42
As the announcers hype Kevin Durant’s first game, I would like to interject my thoughts. Yes, he has the Kobe-esque ability to just go crazy offensively, but he needs to put some more meat on that twelve year old frame before he becomes a force to be reckoned with.

12:46
Here is the second MJ reference from Doug Collins.

12:48
The third quarter concludes, and it is 70-62, Houston. Kobe has struggled a little bit offensively, Lamar Odom is out, and they are working in everyone off their bench, but they are still in it. This is a good sign, especially if Kobe delivers his trademark fourth quarter performance. And they defense is on pace to give up about 93 points, so it is looking okay. If they can put forth this kind of effort on D, they will be fine. Kobe won’t have games like this every night (in fact, this is an anomaly) and they will soon get their second best player back. Things might not be as bad as they seem.

12:52
TNT just listed Smush Parker as a key loss. This is like saying the disappearance of a malignant tumor is a key loss.

12:55
Battier, who has played lights out defense on Kobe (see the 9/24 FG% as proof), just picked up his fourth foul. This could be key down the stretch. And yes I realize it is the fourth quarter, so it is minutes away from being “down the stretch.”

12:57
Oh, how I missed the “Frank TV” ads from the division series and NLCS. Actually, sarcasm aside, Frank Caliendo is the impressionist. He puts everyone else, past and present, to shame. However, a weekly half hour show will either be amazing or terrible, no in-between.

12:58
It wasn’t an air ball and it wasn’t a brick, but Chuck Hayes completely missed the rim on his foul shot. On the ensuing play, Maurice Evans goes iso and bricks a three pointer from the corner. In other news, Kobe’s house has just been put up for sale.

1:00
It just occurred to me that L.A. rallied from a nine or ten point deficit late in the fourth quarter (on the coat tails of Kobe Bryant) against Houston last year. They lost in overtime, so this reference is essentially pointless. However, I would just like to point out that no lead is safe for Houston with Bryant on the floor. (Okay, so this was just a shameless attempt to praise Kobe.)

1:04
Oooh. Bonzi Wells gets bailed out by an official as it appears that Kobe got all ball on a fast break block. By the way, speaking of bad calls, how long do you think it will be until a frustrated player makes a Donaghy reference in a post-game interview or press conference? Also, how long will the suspension be? I’ll say six weeks and five games.

1:10
What gives? Kobe has missed seven free throws tonight. Although, I will say that he has a wrist injury, so that could be a valid excuse. Anyway, he stands to shoot two more as he heads back to the line following Shane Battier’s fifth foul (I’m telling you, this could be big down the stretch).

1:13
As I mention Kobe’s wrist injury, TNT returns from the commercial break showing a clip of Lakers trainer Gary Vitti working on the aforementioned wrist. It appears that he re-aggravated it while getting fouled on the last play. I hope this isn’t a prelude for any injuries yet to come (knock on wood).

1:16
The “Man” Derek Fisher knocks down a jumper and cuts the lead to six. The Lakers force a jump ball on the next trip down and retain possession. Turiaff hits a free throw to make it a five point game.

1:19
I am not trying to give make an excuse for Houston should the Rockets lose, but Kobe has shot more free throws than the entire rockets team with five minutes left. Still, they have relied on the jumper quite a bit, and there have been at least four cases where Kobe drove the lane, was mugged, and did not get a call.

1:22
I don’t want to sound like a whiner, but after 22 seconds of textbook defense from L.A., the Rockets were completely bailed out by a tick-tack call.

1:24
Okay, the officials seemingly make up for the bad call on the other end by bailing out Ronny Turiaff on a shot that was clearly blocked by Chuck Hayes. And surprisingly, Turiaff makes BOTH free throws.

1:26
Yao scores on a jump hook, Kobe is errant on a three pointer, and with less than two minutes to go and the Lakers down by twelve, it appears the game is over. Damn.

1:29
Never say never. Kobe gets an “and one” against Yao Ming. It’s now a nine point game.

1:33
Wow. Let me tell you what has transpired in the past minute or so.
--Kobe gets an “and one” against Yao, Lakers down by nine.
--Kobe hits a three pointer, Lakers down by six.
--Derek Fisher spurs on a steal, Jordan Farmar layup, Lakers down by four.
--Two missed free throws by Houston.
--Kobe’s layup cuts it to two.
--A steal and a Derek Fisher jumper makes it a tie game.
--Shane Battier (who didn’t foul out), hits a three, Rockets lead it by three.
--Kobe gets hosed on a foul and only gets two free throws. Kobe must make the first and miss the second (obviously).

1:38
Here we go. He makes the first. And gets HAMMERED ON THE REBOUND, NO CALL AND THE GAME IS OVER!!! ARE YOU F***ING KIDDING ME?! THIS IS TOTAL BULLS**T, AND I’M NOT JUST SAYING THIS. WATCH THE F***ING REPLAY. NOT ONLY DID HE GET F***ED ON THE TWO FREE THROWS EVEN THOUGH HE WAS ATTEMPTING A THREE POINTER, HE GETS BUTT F***ED ON THE LAST SECOND NO-CALL!! F***!!!!

1:42
I don’t think that you can comprehend how absolutely pissed off I am right now. They needed this win BADLY. They play a tough game against the Suns on Friday, and another against the Jazz on Sunday. What a hose job. Oh well, I’ll let it go.

1:49
Come on Chuck, say “Jub-Jub.” Cheer me up.

1:51
Okay, I have to…what is up with the highlight music for TNT?...anyway, I have an early class tomorrow, so I can’t wait by the computer for “Jub-Jub.” I’ll let everyone know if he says it in my next column. I would like to interject that Ernie Johnson is also critical of the highlight music. Anyhoo, I’ll close with some stat lines and quick hits, adios.

Kobe Bryant: 45 points, 8 rebounds, 4 assists
Derek Fisher: 17 points, 1 rebound, 2 assists
(Aside from Kobe’s shooting percentage, which will improve, trust me, it was an impressive outing for the Lakers captains. Here’s hoping that they can get it done against the Suns.)

*****

QUICK HITS

--Big News out of Big D. Tony Romo has reportedly signed a six year contract extension worth 67.5 million dollars. What’s more, 31 million is guaranteed. How huge is this? Only Peyton Manning gets a contract with more guaranteed money than Romo. However, the timing of the extension allows the Cowboys to sneak some of the money in under this year’s cap, leaving more cap space for next year.

--First off, I would like to express how happy I am that the Red Sox put away the Rockies to capture another World Series. You may notice that WS coverage has been conspicuously absent in the past few posts. Due to poor timing and lack of drama, no Sox/Rockies columns were written. I would like to enlighten you all with something that I missed in game one: “JOE BUCK SAID “JUB-JUB!” NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO, I MISSED IT!”

--Maybe the most compelling story out of the World Series, aside from the Red Sox victory, was the revelation that Alex Rodriguez is opting out of his contract with the Yankees. Wow A-Hole-Rod, does it occur to you that selfish acts like this are the reason why most people view you as a phony piece of shit?

--A few thoughts on the upcoming NBA season, considering were are less than 24 hours away from the tip-off: according to the Chicago Tribune, a source close to the Lakers has revealed that while the Bulls are the frontrunner in the Kobe Bryant sweepstakes, the “dark horse” candidate is represented by the Washington Wizards. Apparently, the team is working on a package that includes Gilbert Arenas (who has expressed interest in opting out next season). On the surface, this sounds like a slam-dunk (no pun intended) trade. Yes, the Hibachi is a talented player with a very Hollywood personality. And yes, the Lakers can sell this trade to most of the Lakers fanbase. But if they do not receive any draft picks in addition to Arenas, they are basically rehauling the team with a poor man’s Kobe and no discernable prospects. This is not exactly the prognosis Lakers fans have been hoping for. If I were Mitch Kupchak, what would I do? Well, I would make a play for a D-Wade/draft pick trade from Miami (in the deal that was mentioned in a prior column). Wade is slightly better than Arenas, he would better fit the triangle, and they would also have a chance to compliment the team with a solid young player in the 2008 draft. Also, it would present the best case scenario for Kobe to win another title. Besides, how cool would a Shaq/Kobe reunion be? I would definitely have to start a Jerry Buss Insult Counter. Are you not at least a little curious as to how it would go down? I have a feeling that the duo would somehow put past feelings aside and work very well together—the roles of leader would be reversed, but each player would be as hungry as either have been since the 2000 title run (or maybe the 2001, 15-1 post-season run).

--I was reading Scoop Jackson’s NBA preview, and I thought his comments on Alonzo Mourning were, at the very least, interesting. To quote Jackson, “…Zo will play his last year in the NBA. The league won't be the same without him…” Hmm. I wonder what fans in Toronto think of these comments. Does anyone else remember that Zo was traded from New Jersey to Toronto, but he refused to show up, forced Toronto to release, reaping millions in unearned money in the process, while simultaneously earning a paycheck with the Heat? I guess the guy overcame a kidney transplant, so I should cut him some slack. Still, should this personal adversity make every selfish act of his water under the bridge?

--I can tie the NBA news in with my next bit, because Donald Faison (“Turk” from Scrubs) is an avid basketball fan who has courtside seats to every all-star game. Anyway, I was watching a Scrubs re-run and witnessed a very funny line that I had all but forgotten about (those who have no idea who the Scrubs characters are should at least appreciate this hilarious exchange):

Turk: And Sir, I will tell everyone how you took an ambulance to get to dinner last night.

Dr. Kelso: How do you know about that?

Turk: Well, sir, because I was the “homeboy” that you told to get his “ghetto mobile” out of the middle of
the street.

And (from the season 7 premiere)…
J.D. (a very nerdy, unathletic Zach Braff): Hey, sports fans! Oh, I am calling everyone “sports fans” now. And I know I’m not the jockey type, but I saw Hoosiers last night, and I like sports now. Are there any objections to this? Anyone. Marjory? (Looking around, mumbling) oh, ‘cause you usually have something to say about everyone. (Singling Marjory out) I know you’re the one that started the rumor that I like dudes.
--Here are a couple of random Colts and/or Pats notes
1) What the hell is up with Jeff Saturday? He looks like a big, greasy, drunk. It is almost as if he is doing an impression of a Chris Farley SNL character. My God.
2) The following is a post from Peter King’s Monday Morning Quarterback blog: “…But if the Colts win, I could see the Patriots come to Indianapolis on Jan. 20 and win the AFC title game. I can't see the Colts winning at New England…” I don’t think it matters which team you align yourself with, because this comment seems dead-on. (And yes, it did cross my mind that I am preparing in advance for something therapeutic should the “worst” happen.)
--It appears as if the Los Angeles Dodgers are very close to offering their managerial position to Joe Torre. This is bad news for Grady Little, who by the way resigned in a deft preemptive move, as he has seemingly been screwed again, albeit indirectly, by the New York Yankees.
--Eight Words: Britney Spears, Tony Romo, together—What the F***!?

--Do you know who the real losers are from last night’s Monday Night Football game? No, not the Broncos. That’s right, the NFL fanbase. Yeah, yeah, yeah, we get it. Brett Favre, amazing quarterback, blah, blah, blah. If he is so great, tell me why he only has one super bowl ring…at least for all of the talent that he has had over the years. And you can not tell me that your first thought when Favre threw the touchdown pass up for grabs last night was “Tre Bly should be all over this.”

--Humorous (and Anonymous) ESPN.com Post:
“How dare Curt make this announcement right in the middle of A-Rod's search for a new team?”

--On a political/foreign affairs note, what do you think that the over/under is in months before a U.S. invasion of Iran? I’ll set it at four months.

*And do you think Kobe’s inner gay man is trying to come out? Take a closer look at his planned Halloween costume. If you don’t know what I am getting out, take a look at this.
**In all honesty, how lucky is Stern that the Garnett trade and the Kobe saga overshadowed the situation with Tim Donaghy. Thanks to the first blockbuster trade in a long time and an ongoing soap opera, the league’s image was able to take a minimal hit.